Katie Sterling

I finally have a computer again after many years of only having a phone to get online. I hope this means I will start blogging again. If I can remember how to get pictures and everything on here.

In the meantime, we have another daughter since the previous time I posted. She is almost a year old now.

Katie was born on December 17, 2016. The day after my birthday.
For some reason I cannot think of any details of her birth right now. It wasn't super easy like Grace, but wasn't super hard either.

She is so sweet and content. She just goes with the flow so easily. She is our earliest walker. She has been taking steps and cruising for a couple months now. Today though, she took off walking. While I wasn't here. In fact as of right now I have only seen a video my MIL took of it, because she was asleep when I got home tonight!

I feel like this is very random and disjointed. Hopefully I will get my thoughts together to make cohesive posts and figure out how to post pictures again.

Appalachian Adventure.

My youngest brothers set out today on an epic adventure. They are hiking the Appalachian Trail. All of it. From Georgia to Maine. They should be done around mid August, and I hope to go meet them at the end of the trail. They will have their 19th birthday while on the trail. Anyway, if you would like to keep up with their adventures, they are supposed to blog regularly. Hopefully they are more consistent than me!
http://graveljourney.blogspot.com

I am so excited for them!

Grace Remington... Finally

I am finally getting around to posting about Grace's birth.

Okay so I will start a little before labor began. Even as far back as the moment I found out I was pregnant with our 4th baby, I had pangs of fear. Not so much fear of having a fourth child to care for, or that anything would go wrong. But fear of labor itself. Labor is not walk in the park, and my labor with Dakota (#3) was the hardest I had endured thus far. I tried not to think about having to labor, but sometimes I would. I knew it was not something I could skip. It had to happen. I  prayed a lot. I have always intended to have a Bible verse for each pregnancy and labor, but haven't every time. This time I really purposed to, but didn't get out my Bible and start looking as I should have. God gave me one anyway.

It started when the verse came to mind. It is a pretty well known verse. Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path.

Then later the same day I saw someone post on Facebook the very same verse. Then again the next day, someone else. I knew this was the verse God was giving me to meditate on. In addition to this I prayed for wisdom to do everything I could physically to make labor easier. I always try to eat pretty healthy, so I continued with that. I also worked out. 5 to 6 days a week most weeks. A minimum of 3 days a week, but that was rare, it was usually more. I practiced relaxing. A lot. I found out that keeping your jaw clenched can have a big effect on how well you dilate. I clench my jaw a lot, so I really practiced relaxing that.

As the end of pregnancy drew closer, I made sure to drink my red raspberry leaf tea. I took a gentle birth tincture. I used evening primrose oil. I prayed some more.

Still, as labor drew closer, I was SO fearful. I secretly thought to myself, but never once spoke it aloud, that if this labor was as hard as Dakota's, I was going to try my hardest to not have any more children. Which would be hard anyway, as I don't really know of any birth control I am okay with. I was so scared that I started having panic attacks. I had a few weeks of practice contractions. They made me somewhat fearful that they would turn to real labor, and somewhat fearful that they would go away, and I would have longer to think about labor instead of just getting it over with.

My due date was on Mother's Day, the 11th of May. I assumed I would be pregnant at least that long, if not longer, because two of my babies had been overdue.

On the evening of May 6th I was having contractions again. They were strong enough to make me think it may be early labor, but certainly were not painful. I just practiced relaxing through them, and went to bed. They woke me us several times that night, but I just relaxed my body through them and went back to sleep. It still didn't hurt. (I am going to guess at time frame right now, I have it written down, but am not sure where the notebook is right now) About 5am on the 7th I started having to lift up and sway my hips with each contraction. But it still was not painful. At all. But I knew it was early real labor, and I would probably have the baby by the end of the day. The awesome thing here is that after all my fear leading up to labor, I was calm. Completely. I was not scared AT ALL. About 5:45 I got up and went to the living room and sat on my birth ball. I sat and stared out the window at the stars. I talked to the baby and I talked to God.

Around 6 or 6:30 I woke Stephen up and told him I was in labor. He was supposed to work that day and I knew he would need to call his boss and let him know he wouldn't be coming in. I called my sister in law, Paula and asked her at what point in labor she called our midwife, because I was thinking it was still a little early. We talked for a minute and she said she would be on her way as soon as she got the little girl she babysat for the day. I had a few more contractions and asked Stephen to set up the birth pool. He was already arranging the room so it would fit.I was now moaning through the contractions some. But as I told Stephen, it wasn't as bad as it sounded. It just helped to make a little noise. I decided to go ahead and call my midwife. I told her I was in labor and that I would let her know if she needed to head this way. At around 7am I texted my Mom's phone and told her, "I think I am in early labor!" Stephen was still working on getting the birth pool ready, so I decided to get in the bathtub, as the contractions were starting to get a bit intense. Still very tolerable, but I wanted to sit in the water. I could hear Stephen as he got kids up and sent them next door to his Mom, so she could feed them breakfast. I heard him talking to his brother through the window as they got the hoses stretched over to his parent's house so we could use the water from their tankless waterheater.

The contractions were starting to get painful so I called Kelly back and asked her to go ahead and come my way. Almost as soon as I called her I starting having a pretty painful contraction. Stephen heard me and left the pool to come be with me. I was sitting on the potty at that moment and he came and sat in front of me on a stepstool. As I moaned he asked me what my labor verse was. I couldn't tell him in the midst of the contraction, but it brought it to mind for me. After that contraction I got back in the tub. After one or two more contractions I told Stephen it almost felt like I needed to push, but I didn't want to, because I had barely been in labor. I asked him to get his Mom since Kelly wasn't there. I am not sure what I wanted her to do, but I wanted a female. He sent his brother who was working outside to get the hoses ready to get their Mom.

I asked him to call Kelly and see where she was as another contraction started. I heard him say she was going through the town closest to us, about 12 miles away. As he hung up I felt bulging 'down there'. I put my hand on it and felt my water break. Stephen did not realize this, as I was in a tub full of water. With the next contraction I knew my body was pushing, but I was still afraid it wasn't time. Then I felt the head coming out. I told Stephen "I AM PUSHING!!" Since I had just told him moments before I did not think it was time to push he told me not to push yet. I said "The HEAD IS COMING OUT!!" and started pushing for the first time, though my body had been before that, now I was joining the effort. He said,  "Oh, Ok. Well lets do this then!" The head came all the way out with that one push. Lots of hair, and the baby must have turned because last I knew it was in a posterior position, but it wasn't anymore. With the next contraction I pushed her the rest of the way out. Stephen grabbed her up out of the tub and handed her to me.  It was 8:10.

We looked and saw that she was a girl, and laughed. We did not have ANY girl names picked. We are really bad at agreeing on girl names. A few minutes later Stephen's mom came in. She hadn't come over in a hurry, because like us, she though I was in early labor. Knowing the fear I had been battling, and hearing how quick and easy labor was she asked if she could suggest a name. She said, "Grace". I kind of shrugged, but didn't really think we would use it. I liked the name, but it wasn't my top choice.

Kelly came in a few minutes later and helped with the delivery of the placenta and all that.They got me moved to my bed and went bustling about, doing all the awesome things they do after a birth. I sat on the bed and looked at my sweet new baby and was singing to myself, "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus..." Then I got to the part where it says "Oh for Grace to trust Him more". I thought "Grace to trust Him more...hmmm, God are you trying to tell me something?"

I asked Stephen what he thought of naming her Grace. He shrugged like I did when his Mom suggested it. So I took that as a probably not. My Mom had been at work while I was laboring, so when she got home she called me. I told her about the labor, but not about Nola suggesting a name, or me singing. She told me that on her way to work that morning she had been praying for me and had thought to herself "If they have a girl, Grace would be a good name". When she said that I KNEW God was telling me our baby's name. I told Stephen and he agreed.

Anywho, there is the story of Grace Remington's birth and naming.

Grace, Kimber and I. Kimber had wanted to be there for the birth, but it went so fast that she did not get to.

I will endeavor to post more often!

Perspective

"Ugh, God, when will we get a 'real' house? What else can I get rid of in our house to make it less cluttered... Maybe even actually clean looking?  Where do I even put the baby clothes so they aren't in a basket on my floor?" These and similar thoughts go through my head as I scroll through pinterest for ideas, and real estate websites to see if anything new has popped up in the past hour.... Even though nothing has for a month.

Then I get a text from a good friend asking for prayer, she just had a miscarriage. "Oh no, God. Not again. They have already been through so much. Why can't she just keep this baby? You know how badly they want one!" 

And I look at my not even two week old, perfect, fourth child in my lap. And realize that it doesn't matter the size of our house. Or how clean it isn't. I don't know why I have been given these sweet babies, while she has lost so many. I know I am not any better or more loved by God. It makes me feel guilty sometimes, though I know she doesn't want me to feel that way. Words seem so inadequate to help her. 

I try to keep a positive attitude and count my blessing, and think I mostly do a good job, but sometimes get in sorry for myself moods... But then it all gets put back in perspective. 

I had intended to post about having a new baby in the house. :) I will try to do that soon.

Be blessed.

Fun and Frightening

All in one day.

We'll start with the fun, as it happened first anyway.

Kimber started taking ballet classes at a friends house on Monday. It is probably not something I would have started taking her to do unless she asked some day. But the ladies whose daughters are in the class started it because they didn't like the 'shake your booty' stuff going on in the regular dance classes. Or something like that. :) Anyways, they asked if Kimber wanted to join, so I asked her and she said yes.

So we changed town day to Mondays.

Kimber was really excited to go. She was a few weeks behind the other girls and I expected her to be shy. She was. In fact she spent the first 5 minutes crying and glued to my side. Then she spent the next 10 to 15 minutes standing there with what I call her "Tommy" look on. It says something like "I'm not doing anything you ask, and you can't make me". The girl who is teaching the class is super sweet and was very patient with her. By the time they were done, I had joined the other Mom's in the other room and Kimber was smiling and doing everything everyone else was.... as long as Miss Emma held her hand...

I had a good laugh at one point. The siblings and Mom's of the girls were in another room off to the side, so as not to distract the girls. Dakota 'told' me (with sign language) she wanted a drink. So I asked the lady who lived in the house where I could get her some water. She led the way through the living room, where the girls were practicing, to the kitchen. The girls were very absorbed in what they were doing and didn't even look up at her and her cute little baby. Tyrel had seen me leaving the room and didn't want to miss a chance to see some other part of the house. So he came walking through the living room in his Wranglers, boots, and western shirt, just his normal clothes. Every one of those 3-7ish year old girls turned and watched him walk by at the same time. It was SO funny. He just nodded and kept on his way. I told Stephen later that cowboys always have that affect on girls, I just didn't realise it began so early!

The scary happened later when we were in WalMart. I was looking at the little girl ballet clothes so Kimber could dress like the other little girls in her class. Kimber was in the basket part of the cart, and Dakota was in the seat. She does NOT like the seatbelt, and I had made the decision that I would be right beside her, so I wouldn't strap her in. Do you see where this is going?
So I turned away from the cart for a mere moment to see if I could find a smaller size of tights or something. I heard something fall, and thought Dakota was knocking socks off the rack on the other side of the aisle. I turned around to tell her to stop and she wasn't in the cart. She was on the far side of it, flat on her back, with her head part way under the cart. I quickly and gently picked her up. She let out one loud, long scream. As she screamed the pupils of her eyes grew to almost as big as the blue. Then her eyes shut and she went limp in my arms. Yall, I thought my baby had just died in my arms. I started praying and yelling for help all at once.  A few employees showed up and someone called 911. Dakota opened her eyes but wasn't really responding to anything. I called Stephen, who was on his way to class. He got there before the EMT's. By then she was snuggled against me and sucking her finger. Stephen pulled out his flashlight and checked her eyes. They were responding well. The EMT's got there and checked her and said we might take her to the doctor but she seemed okay, just in shock.

She has been her normal self the past few days. I am SO thankful for God's protection. I just want to wrap her in bubble wrap for a while. She is always climbing things, or slipping on the floor and bonking her head. It's bad enough normally, but I especially don't want her to right now!

Life Happenings

Hello! It has been a while since we last talked! I just kinda got in a funk and quit posting for a while. I have a couple of random things I was thinking of talking about if I can remember them as I go along.

I ordered the seeds for my garden. I always look forward to spring and getting out in the garden! When my seeds came in my husband and I both had a good laugh at me. I ordered some herbs this year. I don't know a whole lot about some of them, but I ordered ones I had heard of while ordering dried herbs and such in the past. When I saw the picture on the front of one I just started laughing so hard. Stephen asked why I was laughing, so I told him what it was. He laughed at me too. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I had heard what it was. But I had forgotten. I thought that the weeds I battle every year to keep them from taking over my garden was ragweed. It isn't. It is horehound. Which I ordered a packet of seeds for. Even in the middle of winter they are in my yard. In fact, it is the ONLY thing other than dirt and mesquite in my yard right now.

The motherhood retreat that I have gone to for the past 7 years is coming up quickly. I am kind of nervous about it this year though. I will have both of my little girls with me this year. Kimber is going because her best friend is going. Her best friend's Mom is one of the ladies who started this retreat and is also a good friend of mine.  Every year, except the first one, that I have gone I have either been pregnant or nursing. I am still nursing Dakota, so she will be there also. But that isn't what I'm nervous about. I know I will have plenty of help with them. I am nervous because a friend of mine, Kimber's best friend's big sister, is supposed to play guitar and sing to lead worship at retreat this year... but she has to work Friday night. So it was either clap and sing  without music or ME play guitar on Friday night. EEEK! I really enjoy playing, but I am also fairly new to it, and very shy in front of people. I am looking forward to it in a weird sort of way too though. I enjoy (sometimes and depending on what) challenging myself to do things that are out of my comfort zone.

Stephen is over half way through the academy and doing very well. He is #2 in the class. They are done with a lot of the book work for now. He started defensive tactics on Monday. He has shown/ taught me the stuff he learned in it. It is pretty fun, but would be rather awkward at times if it wasn't my husband I was sparring with.

I fell of the getting back in shape wagon a month or so ago, so I am trying to get back on it. My mom and grandma and some cousins and other family are keeping each other accountable to walk at least 300 miles this year. My cousin is fixing to make my competitive side come out though! But that could be a good thing. Then we'll both work even harder. :)

I shall endeavor to post more often. I may even get ambitious and get pictures off of my camera and onto the computer to post!

Fare thee well for now my friend. Adios

How am I doing?

As I drive down the road to town, the kids talking incessantly in the backseat. I don't mean to, but I tune them out. I reach over and turn on the radio. They quiet down to listen. I switch between the country stations and christian music stations. It doesn't matter which one, I always hear something that makes it happen. All these emotions I have neatly packed away stuffed down and stomped into place. A padlock tightly closed. The key hidden. I didn't mean to put them there, but they are there. I can't get them to come out most of the time. But now and then, especially driving, with the music on, the come up. Such a wave that crying doesn't cover it. I scream. Hit the steering wheel. The kids ask what is wrong, then answer the question to each other, because they know. "Mama is just missing Uncle Bill."

I do. Most of the time life is just routine and I don't even think of him. Or when I do it is a funny memory and I laugh. It isn't even the fact that he is gone that gets me. It's that next week he still will be. Next month. Next year. All my life. My kids will only have stories and pictures to remember. I never know whether to tell people "I have six brother's or I HAD six brothers".

Less often now, but it still happens. I play the phone call through my head. It was not quite six in the morning. The moment I looked at the clock as the phone rang I knew something was wrong. I leapt out of bed and grabbed my phone from where it was charging. It was Mom. Her voice a forced calm. Asking if Stephen is home. My mind thinks "Oh no, Dad...." Then she says "Bill died". Wait, what?? He's only 30. I saw him last week! I'm in too much shock to cry. I just tell her okay. Do I need to call anyone. She says no, she'll do it.

My brothers 'left' and I call each other as we get the news. The tears come. This can't be right. God says we can raise the dead... do I have the faith. I call brothers. They are thinking the same thing. We begin fasting. Tell friends who will stand with us. So sure. Pumped. Excited!

Then coming home... Did we hear wrong? Did we give up too soon? Was our faith not strong enough? I still don't know. But I do know that God is in control no matter what.

I miss you so much Bill. I love you brother.