Sunday, May 18, 2014

Perspective

"Ugh, God, when will we get a 'real' house? What else can I get rid of in our house to make it less cluttered... Maybe even actually clean looking?  Where do I even put the baby clothes so they aren't in a basket on my floor?" These and similar thoughts go through my head as I scroll through pinterest for ideas, and real estate websites to see if anything new has popped up in the past hour.... Even though nothing has for a month.
Then I get a text from a good friend asking for prayer, she just had a miscarriage. "Oh no, God. Not again. They have already been through so much. Why can't she just keep this baby? You know how badly they want one!" 
And I look at my not even two week old, perfect, fourth child in my lap. And realize that it doesn't matter the size of our house. Or how clean it isn't. I don't know why I have been given these sweet babies, while she has lost so many. I know I am not any better or more loved by God. It makes me feel guilty sometimes, though I know she doesn't want me to feel that way. Words seem so inadequate to help her. 
I try to keep a positive attitude and count my blessing, and think I mostly do a good job, but sometimes get in sorry for myself moods... But then it all gets put back in perspective. 

I had intended to post about having a new baby in the house. :) I will try to do that soon.

Be blessed.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Fun and Frightening

All in one day.

We'll start with the fun, as it happened first anyway.

Kimber started taking ballet classes at a friends house on Monday. It is probably not something I would have started taking her to do unless she asked some day. But the ladies whose daughters are in the class started it because they didn't like the 'shake your booty' stuff going on in the regular dance classes. Or something like that. :) Anyways, they asked if Kimber wanted to join, so I asked her and she said yes.

So we changed town day to Mondays.

Kimber was really excited to go. She was a few weeks behind the other girls and I expected her to be shy. She was. In fact she spent the first 5 minutes crying and glued to my side. Then she spent the next 10 to 15 minutes standing there with what I call her "Tommy" look on. It says something like "I'm not doing anything you ask, and you can't make me". The girl who is teaching the class is super sweet and was very patient with her. By the time they were done, I had joined the other Mom's in the other room and Kimber was smiling and doing everything everyone else was.... as long as Miss Emma held her hand...

I had a good laugh at one point. The siblings and Mom's of the girls were in another room off to the side, so as not to distract the girls. Dakota 'told' me (with sign language) she wanted a drink. So I asked the lady who lived in the house where I could get her some water. She led the way through the living room, where the girls were practicing, to the kitchen. The girls were very absorbed in what they were doing and didn't even look up at her and her cute little baby. Tyrel had seen me leaving the room and didn't want to miss a chance to see some other part of the house. So he came walking through the living room in his Wranglers, boots, and western shirt, just his normal clothes. Every one of those 3-7ish year old girls turned and watched him walk by at the same time. It was SO funny. He just nodded and kept on his way. I told Stephen later that cowboys always have that affect on girls, I just didn't realise it began so early!

The scary happened later when we were in WalMart. I was looking at the little girl ballet clothes so Kimber could dress like the other little girls in her class. Kimber was in the basket part of the cart, and Dakota was in the seat. She does NOT like the seatbelt, and I had made the decision that I would be right beside her, so I wouldn't strap her in. Do you see where this is going?
So I turned away from the cart for a mere moment to see if I could find a smaller size of tights or something. I heard something fall, and thought Dakota was knocking socks off the rack on the other side of the aisle. I turned around to tell her to stop and she wasn't in the cart. She was on the far side of it, flat on her back, with her head part way under the cart. I quickly and gently picked her up. She let out one loud, long scream. As she screamed the pupils of her eyes grew to almost as big as the blue. Then her eyes shut and she went limp in my arms. Yall, I thought my baby had just died in my arms. I started praying and yelling for help all at once.  A few employees showed up and someone called 911. Dakota opened her eyes but wasn't really responding to anything. I called Stephen, who was on his way to class. He got there before the EMT's. By then she was snuggled against me and sucking her finger. Stephen pulled out his flashlight and checked her eyes. They were responding well. The EMT's got there and checked her and said we might take her to the doctor but she seemed okay, just in shock.

She has been her normal self the past few days. I am SO thankful for God's protection. I just want to wrap her in bubble wrap for a while. She is always climbing things, or slipping on the floor and bonking her head. It's bad enough normally, but I especially don't want her to right now!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Life Happenings

Hello! It has been a while since we last talked! I just kinda got in a funk and quit posting for a while. I have a couple of random things I was thinking of talking about if I can remember them as I go along.

I ordered the seeds for my garden. I always look forward to spring and getting out in the garden! When my seeds came in my husband and I both had a good laugh at me. I ordered some herbs this year. I don't know a whole lot about some of them, but I ordered ones I had heard of while ordering dried herbs and such in the past. When I saw the picture on the front of one I just started laughing so hard. Stephen asked why I was laughing, so I told him what it was. He laughed at me too. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I had heard what it was. But I had forgotten. I thought that the weeds I battle every year to keep them from taking over my garden was ragweed. It isn't. It is horehound. Which I ordered a packet of seeds for. Even in the middle of winter they are in my yard. In fact, it is the ONLY thing other than dirt and mesquite in my yard right now.

The motherhood retreat that I have gone to for the past 7 years is coming up quickly. I am kind of nervous about it this year though. I will have both of my little girls with me this year. Kimber is going because her best friend is going. Her best friend's Mom is one of the ladies who started this retreat and is also a good friend of mine.  Every year, except the first one, that I have gone I have either been pregnant or nursing. I am still nursing Dakota, so she will be there also. But that isn't what I'm nervous about. I know I will have plenty of help with them. I am nervous because a friend of mine, Kimber's best friend's big sister, is supposed to play guitar and sing to lead worship at retreat this year... but she has to work Friday night. So it was either clap and sing  without music or ME play guitar on Friday night. EEEK! I really enjoy playing, but I am also fairly new to it, and very shy in front of people. I am looking forward to it in a weird sort of way too though. I enjoy (sometimes and depending on what) challenging myself to do things that are out of my comfort zone.

Stephen is over half way through the academy and doing very well. He is #2 in the class. They are done with a lot of the book work for now. He started defensive tactics on Monday. He has shown/ taught me the stuff he learned in it. It is pretty fun, but would be rather awkward at times if it wasn't my husband I was sparring with.

I fell of the getting back in shape wagon a month or so ago, so I am trying to get back on it. My mom and grandma and some cousins and other family are keeping each other accountable to walk at least 300 miles this year. My cousin is fixing to make my competitive side come out though! But that could be a good thing. Then we'll both work even harder. :)

I shall endeavor to post more often. I may even get ambitious and get pictures off of my camera and onto the computer to post!

Fare thee well for now my friend. Adios

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

How am I doing?

As I drive down the road to town, the kids talking incessantly in the backseat. I don't mean to, but I tune them out. I reach over and turn on the radio. They quiet down to listen. I switch between the country stations and christian music stations. It doesn't matter which one, I always hear something that makes it happen. All these emotions I have neatly packed away stuffed down and stomped into place. A padlock tightly closed. The key hidden. I didn't mean to put them there, but they are there. I can't get them to come out most of the time. But now and then, especially driving, with the music on, the come up. Such a wave that crying doesn't cover it. I scream. Hit the steering wheel. The kids ask what is wrong, then answer the question to each other, because they know. "Mama is just missing Uncle Bill."

I do. Most of the time life is just routine and I don't even think of him. Or when I do it is a funny memory and I laugh. It isn't even the fact that he is gone that gets me. It's that next week he still will be. Next month. Next year. All my life. My kids will only have stories and pictures to remember. I never know whether to tell people "I have six brother's or I HAD six brothers".

Less often now, but it still happens. I play the phone call through my head. It was not quite six in the morning. The moment I looked at the clock as the phone rang I knew something was wrong. I leapt out of bed and grabbed my phone from where it was charging. It was Mom. Her voice a forced calm. Asking if Stephen is home. My mind thinks "Oh no, Dad...." Then she says "Bill died". Wait, what?? He's only 30. I saw him last week! I'm in too much shock to cry. I just tell her okay. Do I need to call anyone. She says no, she'll do it.

My brothers 'left' and I call each other as we get the news. The tears come. This can't be right. God says we can raise the dead... do I have the faith. I call brothers. They are thinking the same thing. We begin fasting. Tell friends who will stand with us. So sure. Pumped. Excited!

Then coming home... Did we hear wrong? Did we give up too soon? Was our faith not strong enough? I still don't know. But I do know that God is in control no matter what.

I miss you so much Bill. I love you brother.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Catching Up

~Dakota is aaaalmost walking

~Stephen is really enjoying class. He has made two friends in class. They are both named Stephen/ Steven  also.

~I just got back from visiting my parents. It was under very sad circumstances. A very dear friend of ours passed away. I was going to do a whole post about that, but can't yet.

~Kimber will be 3 this month

~My newest nephew will be born either late this month or early next month.

~This is a very birthday rich month for our family actually. Grandma, Father in law, Ben, Friend Brittany, Sister in law, Mom, Kimber, and some more friends!

~I'm getting antsy to know where Stephen will get hired. Looking online at houses in all the areas we've discussed. He's going to go applying in January or so. He graduates in May.

~I have registered to go to the Cowgirl Gathering in November, where I should get to meet some blogging buddies!

~Here is a video of the kids and I making cookies a few weeks ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzHk6EFn8zw&feature=g-upl

Go to my MIL's blog to read about the rain we got last week! I missed it but it was amazing! http://mom2countrykids.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Just A 'stache

Stephen came home last night with a very large book about laws and some very sad news. As you go through the academy they hold you to the same rules as they will in a department once you are employed as an officer. That means Stephen had to shave his beard off this morning. I miss it. A lot. We knew that was a possibility, but were hoping if he kept it trimmed he could keep it. Nope. A mustache is the most he can have. He did keep that.

Oh well. At least I have something to look forward to when he retires right?
That book is a lot thicker than it looks in the picture. It is only one of the books he brought home. He is really excited to get started!

In other news, we have a new pup! A friend gave it to us, as he didn't want to go through the trouble of trying to sell them. It is a Hanging Tree cowdog. Tyrel named him Cactus. I was afraid to let Tyrel just name him, as he comes up with some really unusual names sometimes (treeless, truckless, perfy) So I told him we would take a vote. He said "I want to name him Cactus!" and Kimber said "Yeah, Cactus". I used to have a pup name Cactus Jack before we had kids. So I said yes, that would be an alright name.
He's a really good pup, and I really like his personality. He stays with the kids good, but isn't overly jumpy and all over everyone.

Monday, August 13, 2012

My Big Boy Is Off To School

No, not Tyrel! He's homeschooled, silly!
My man is starting the police academy today. Well not technically police academy, because he wants to be a deputy, not a city police. But he starts his classes to get TCLOESE certified. He is going at night 3 days a week and every other Saturday. We are very excited for this new path. About everything we have ever done has something to do with livestock. Which is something we love, but Stephen really wants more ACTION! Eventually we want to get our own ranch or something because agriculture is something we love, but we are very excited for the perks of his new career. Such as semi scheduled hours. Scheduled days off. Guilt free vacations. Being able to legally open carry anywhere we travel, etc. Actually that last one is a BIG reason for him doing this.
I am already praying for protection for when he gets a job. There was an officer near here killed a few weeks ago that was just 2 weeks younger than Stephen. I have cried and prayed so much for his wife.
So yeah, if you want you can be praying that God will open up the right job in the right place for him when he graduates in May. He has one place in particular he would like, but there are lots of places that would be good. Including the county we already live in.

I love you so much Stephen and I am proud of you for going where you feel God is leading, and doing something you'll not only be great at, but that you'll love to do!