Friday, May 9, 2008

Status Quo

Sometimes I feel like I am supposed to be doing more. More what you ask? I don't know.
I feel determined right now. To to what? I don't know. I feel like I could be training to be in the Olympics, or playing guitar, or hunting elk in the mountains...with a bow and arrow, or bull dogging in the rodeo, or breaking wild get the point.

I used to think I would be the best. I would daydream about matter what I did, I would be the BEST. I haven't felt like this in a long time.

I know being a mom is the highest calling God can have for you. It's a very special job. But I feel like he wants me to be doing more...not working, but being more for HIM. I want to radiate God, I want people to FEEL his presence from me.

My Mom once told me that it was prophesied over me that I would play the guitar, and do mighty works for God with music...or some such something. Well that makes sense, I have a passion for music, I Love guitar music...well really any music, but I've ALWAYS wanted to play guitar. So why don't I? I guess I'm scared. Scared of not doing good enough. Scared of starting, because it takes work... Maybe satan has always told me this because I AM supposed to do things for God with it.

My daddy bought me a guitar for my 12th birthday, I never played it....I have one now..but can't play it. I have bought books, but they don't teach me, I have to be shown . Anytime I see someone playing I am just in awe, trying to soak it in. As if only I could watch good enough, I could figure it out, but it hasn't happened.

I don't know what the point of this post is. Maybe it's procrastination so that I don't have to go pick up my guitar and not know what I'm doing again.

1 comment:

Julie said...

Hey Becky Derek Woodly helped me get started and I only took 3 lessons and they were not as hard as I thought so you might ask him. and after he is finished with you you can just find music on line that's just something you might want to try.